Sunday

Today was a nice day. Dadi let me sleep in again (heaven!!) until 9:30. it was great. i really need the sleep right now since i know i won't be getting to soon. last night i got a call from the bishops secretary. not sure if that's what he's called, but he's the guy that makes the appointments for the bishop. anyways, i didn't hear my phone ring and so he had left a message to be at church a half hour early because the bishop wanted to talk with me. my first thought was..."they're going to release me from my calling as the laurels advisor" so dadi and i talked about it and what calling i would be given next. my least favorites were.... nursery (I'd rather die), primary (I'd rather eat dirt) or some type of chorister (no clue how to do that). anything else, i would be okay with. i was kind of excited at the possibility of being released, not because i don't love my calling but just because i have done such a sucky job at it these past few months. i thought maybe i SHOULD be released. when i wasn't pregnant and miserable, i would take the time throughout the week to prepare my lesson and think of fun little hand outs or whatever to go along with them to keep the girls attention.. but since I've been pregnant and feeling like crap, i have become one of those teachers that prepares their lesson five minutes before class is to start and i look like an unprepared idiot when teaching the girls. instead of giving it my 100% i have to admit i gave it about 25-30%. sometimes less. So when i got there, i saw some of the other leaders serving in young womens and i realized that it was probably a change in the presidency. i was right, we got a whole new young womens presidency today and i love all the ladies picked to serve. they're great. all the advisers are staying the same so i did not get released which actually made me happy. i love teaching the girls and i hope that once i have the baby i can get back into the groove of things and give it my 100% or at least 80%. During church, we were saying the prayer and moma was watching us. usually she is really good during the prayers that we say at church or at home but she was in a funky mood today. she wouldn't sit still or fold her arms. they were saying the closing prayer and dadi and i were bowing our heads and had our eyes closed. moma looked at us and said "hey you guys!! wake up!!" i did the peek out of one eye stern look and whispered "fold your arms!" she did and then a few seconds later said (again) "wake up guys!" sometimes it's so hard to be mad at your kids when they say such funny things. you have to be consistent with them or else they walk all over you, but it's so much fun to laugh about later. i have to stifle many giggles around her with all the funny things she's saying lately. she's got quite the little personality. it's weird how far they come in just a couple of years of life. it makes me a little bit sad that i will be having this next baby soon and that baby stage goes by so dang fast! i want them to be little forever. i think it's even harder when you know, or you're at least pretty sure, that you're not going to have any more kids. i hope i can just remember that and try to appreciate all of the diaper changes and feedings and sleepless nights.
anyways, i have a doctors appointment tomorrow. i think they're going to check me. i sure hope I've started to dilate. i know delivery could still be weeks away, but if i were dilating, i would at least know things are in motion. plus every centimeter you're dilated means you're one centimeter closer to being able to receive an epidural. with moma i was 6 cms when i arrived at the hospital so i was able to get that lovely eppi right from the start. i didn't feel much until the end when i had to push her out. it wore off and i felt everything. but at least the rest of my labor was nice and comfortable. if i could have an epidural right now. i would. everything is hurting so much all the time. sometimes i can barely walk because it feels like I'm broken. especially my back and pelvis. I'm actually worried that i won't be able to tell when it's time to go to the hospital because I've been in so much pain for so long. isn't that crazy? i just don't want to be one of those women that goes to the hospital in false labor. i know most women do that, but i didn't with moma and i would hate to do it with a second one. what a disappointment thinking you're in labor and the babies coming only to be sent home with nothing. annoying!! if i go to the hospital, they are getting this kid out of me. i will not be turned away!! heck no!!
okay so i will post tomorrow about my doctors appointment. please let me be dilated!! oh, i know for a fact that i have gone over my 30 pound weight goal this time. i have eaten anything and everything these past few weeks. and it's bad stuff. i just don't feel like cooking so i've been asking dadi to pick up stuff for me on his way home. i have eaten a lot of fruit and salads, but that doesn't work so well when i'm also eating ice cream and fast food every other day. i'm so afraid of what the scale will tell me. so very, very afraid.